There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
