I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just cut my nipple shaving
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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