I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
