You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
