Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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