i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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