fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am available for nakedness
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
