so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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