Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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