Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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