South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
