he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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