Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize