Can i not drive my cunt home
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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