I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize