There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
