First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
