Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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