dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Pappa wants mamma naked
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
