He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
