wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
