I want to walk on stilts...naked
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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