I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
