just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
