I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize