so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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