im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Floor bacon is actually really good
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
