alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
