The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
