I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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