She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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