I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i love accidental penises.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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