so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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