took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
