My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize