4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
