I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
