I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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