so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize