I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
