FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
