Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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