Christians are straight up FREAKS
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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