omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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