I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
thus making me awesome and them whores
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
