It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
