I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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