I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
