at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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