You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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