Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
