I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
