Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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