I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
