please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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