Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
