I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
