oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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