New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
