I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
