Moan for me like Helen Keller
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
