Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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