I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
