Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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