I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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