More tranny stories later!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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