we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
